literature

Further Apart

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Literature Text

Our love was perfect 
But now     we're drifting
                                                Further apart.         I tried                                                                 
Being fair,              being honest,   
Above all                  earnest and    
Genuine, yet                       in the                
              End it                           wasn't enough?        

                 My dear                                what happened?            
   Our ties                                     were seamless
    But now                                          they're tangled,
 Torn asunder,                                              split apart.           
 I can't                                                   have you    
 Yet I                                                       want to.    
    Our journey                                                           ends here.             

    When we                                                                parted ways,       
       Our fates                                                                    were unclear          
  And guided                                                                         us astray.            
     Will our                                                                             hands greet,       
              Eyes meet,                                                                                 again someday?                
 It cannot                                                                                      be certain        
From this                                                                                                                 far away.           
This is my very first attempt on writing Concrete Poetry, and I'd really, really like comments and critiques on this.  In addition to the time spent crafting the words, I took 1-2 hours to get the structure right.  Clear to say, I'm still new at this and am looking for advice.

This is a simple but moving love piece in which each line is 4 words but the front and back two become increasingly spaced apart as the poem continues and explains the ever-dividing love of the two depicted characters here.  The man's perspective is normal font, while the woman's is italicized.  Their love and desire for each other is diminishing for some reasons or another, and the chances of getting back together are lessening over time.  The form of this poem exemplifies this subject.

EDIT 8/2/2015: The Contrast Poem of this has been done!  Closer Together
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Music-Lover-Izzy's avatar

I love this! thanks for sharing!